I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
