is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
