I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
