I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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