More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
