who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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