even my farts smell like vagina
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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