I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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