I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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