these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
