After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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