You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
