I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
