I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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