I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
