all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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