I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
