Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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