I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize