all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
