Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize