Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
