Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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