Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
