so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I touched a dick in church today
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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