I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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