pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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