I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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