I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
bring money and cleavage
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize