this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
ttyl tear gas
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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