I cockslap morals
someone get that fucking seahorse.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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