He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
