You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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