I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
