i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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