anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
