I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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