Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
