I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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