I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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