She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
