ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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