She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
