how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
