Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
