he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize