The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He passed out mid-signature
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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