I faked an abortion last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
