I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
