Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
