She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was CRYING into my vagina
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
