Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
