I must be too annoying 4 u.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
