you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize