I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
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of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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