Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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