the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
