you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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