When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
