and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
