if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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