Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
