i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
