just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
