dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
