hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
