I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
