i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
