Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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