if you like me you must not know who I am
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
