Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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