Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
