today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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