she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
