i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
