First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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