ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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