If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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