remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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