I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I will pee on everything he values.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
