Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
