I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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