I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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