i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She bit a glass in half.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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